Wednesday, April 23, 2014

U is for Unsubscribe

I'm getting really tired of all the junk email that I receive.
"Check out our low sales!'
"Free shipping today!"
"New useful tips…"

I don't want to buy more clothes or gear; I don't want to donate to the really-important cause that will save the world or at least maybe the wolves or the whales.

And I don't really want to have to deal with people anymore. Or work.

All I want to do is write. And dance.

So, I'm going to unsubscribe from all the things for a little while (though, the junk emails probably will be for all of the time).

Write/dance on!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Q is for Quiet and Quest

As I'm gearing up for my quest into nature I've been thinking a little bit about what my goals are. Obviously my goal is to get to Katahdin, but on a more personal level--what do I want?

I want to learn to be quiet. To be still and to let whatever soul powers I have in me to take over and be the guide. I've noticed lately that the quiet scares me. Instead of sitting still and letting myself be, I turn on some music or I call someone I know or I turn on the computer.

These are all fine things for distracting myself, I guess, but they do very little for me by way of healing and processing and finding that place inside where I want to live.

At the beginning of the new month I will leave on my quiet quest for quietness with my quaint little house strapped to my back.

And while I'm out there in an unknown world, maybe I will learn to not think, but just be. Be still. Be quiet.

Write on!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

P is for Phantom

I wore a ring for almost two years. Really that's not very long in the grand scheme of things. It's not very long at all. But it feels like a lifetime.

I took that ring off on April 5th. A day also known as There's-no-chromatic-scale-in-a-song day (a joke from high school band).

Even though the ring is gone, I can still feel its ghost there on my finger. Every now and then I slide my thumb down my finger as though to adjust the ring from slipping too close to my knuckle. At times I will reach for that finger in the habit of spinning and fidgeting with the ring, but it is no longer there.

Some days I feel lost without the ring. The phantom of it is a reminder of what I once had and now have lost. Of a love more beautiful than mountains. Of what "being here is so much" really means.

Will I always be haunted like this?

Write on!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

O is for Oxygen

Trees make oxygen.
Love the trees.
Breathe them in.
We could not live without trees.

"All I can do is keep breathing," and kissing the trees.

Write on!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

N is for Nightmares

I tend to have vivid dreams at night fairly frequently. I do especially when I'm stressed out.
Lately, I've had a lot of nightmares.

They are not fun.
I wish I could turn my brain off for sleeping time.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

M is for Mom

It's that time again. Time to write about my beautiful mom.
Really, I have the best mom of all time. I don't care how great your mom is, mine is better.

My mom is so adorable.
She is strong and sweet and kind.
She is loving and understanding.
She is always there.

My mom taught me to live with love. She taught me to forgive others, o see the good in everyone, and to give freely.
She taught me to love nature, to adventure into the unknown, to appreciate the beauty of the earth, and to follow my heart.

Of course, she worries about me. And misses me. But she always is there. Always supports me in everything I do. She is constant. She is forever.

I love you Mom! 

Write on!

Monday, April 14, 2014

K is for Mount Katahdin

Katahdin is my next big goal. It is the one thing that is calling my name, whispering to me to come hither and partake of the beauties of living.

I thrive on goals. I need something solid to set my sights on. Something I can look at and easily say, "I can do that. It will be hard and challenging, but I can do that." And once I step toward that goal all other things seem to fall into place. All the emotional and spiritual awakenings do their sorting out within as I move toward something my brain can imagine.

It's the same with writing novels. My brain likes having this idea and this goal of completing a story. And my heart and my soul do all the magical workings along the way as I show up with my pen and paper. Then the beauty, the pain, the laughter, the connections of human to word to human all come together and the story is made.

Existence is a beautiful, wonderful thing. It's not something my brain can put into words, but I feel like all aspects of myself work together. I need to satisfy my brain and my logical-thinking self by establishing concrete goals like getting myself from point A to point B, and no matter what those goals are, my soul finds the people I need or digs up the lessons I need to learn.

Everything always works out. Sometimes I call it luck. Maybe Karma is a better word. I think it has to do with how I send out my messages of need and want and I take steps in a direction that feels right and then everything falls into place.

I'm feeling like all this is vague. But, my point is, I'm embarking on a journey and I'm ready to grow along the way.

Write on!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

J is for Joni Mitchell

Because she is awesome.
Big Yellow Taxi. Seriously. The range of her voice!

Also, my all time favorite song of hers is Both Sides Now. More and more I am learning how true this song is.

"I've looked at life from both sides now. From win and lose and still somehow it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all."

Here are two versions, which make this song all the more beautiful because she sang them at different times in her life with such different sounds.

How amazing is it to have some music and some words that hold so much truth even after many years? Between 1970 and 2000 the words are still true, but the way you sing the song is different. Anyway, it's beautiful. Like all beautiful, truthful words--it can be applied on so many levels and to so many people.

"Something's lost, but something's gained in living everyday."

Write on!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I is for Into the Wild

Into the Wild by John Krakhauer is a beautiful book about a beautiful soul who set out in search of a magical connection with nature. He was a brave soul. A soul who not many can understand.

Alex Supertramp (or Chris McCandless) was a soul who followed his heart away from the world which we all know filled with money and responsibility and little boxes all made of ticky tacky into the beautiful wilderness of freedom. His journey, while being very focused on actual wilderness (mountains, plants, wildlife), was more about connections and love and people than anything else.

For a long time I have felt this sort of urge within me which I'm sure Emerson or Thoreau or Kerouac all would understand perfectly well. It's a sort of pull away from all the norms and established "successful" ways of living into a more organic, uncharted realm of the earth. I have often thought that this urge of mine was simply to "escape" into the mountains away from people and expectations. I think that Chris McCandless had this same idea--that he needed of fill this weird void or satisfy this pull by going into the wild and living off the land. Not to give away anything in the book if you haven't read it (but also to give it all away!), he discovered that as beautiful and wonderful as the great outdoors is, "Happiness is only real when shared." People are essential to our journey.

It has been a dream of mine to hike the Appalachian Trail from end to end--roughly 2,200 miles spanning from Georgia to Maine. I need to be outside. I need the trees and the dirt and the rocks and the sticks. I need the birds. The bugs. The sun. The rain. I need to be alone in nature. But I also need people, too. The AT will be perfect for both of these necessities. Hundreds of people hike the AT every year. It offers a fantastic little community all of its own while giving place for true nature experiences.

This year I will follow this feeling I've had for so long. I will step into the wild, into the realm of love, into a new life and finally scratch this itch on my heart.

Life is meant to be lived. To be loved. To be enjoyed. So I will do just that because "the freedom and simple beauty is just too good to pass up."

Write on!

Friday, April 11, 2014

H is for Hercules

And, yes, of course, Sara Bareilles--again.
Music is a very beautiful thing. Right now it is huge reminder to me that I am not alone despite how very alone I feel. Words and music together are perhaps the most beautiful thing in all creation--that's not true, but still it is such a phenomenon. Such a wonder.
Music holds so much emotion and energy it amazes me sometimes. Music and words do what most other things fail to do: connect souls.

The wild thing about music is that we can find connections to it on so many levels and in all different stages of life. Here is a beautiful song that I love to belt out in the car just because it's got a sound that really jives with my soul. The words have recently taken on a more significant meaning for me and I'm finding myself loving this song and feeling connected to it on a much deeper level than before.

Hercules by Sara Bareilles

I'm on a hunt for who I've not yet become.
But I'd settle for a little equilibrium.
There is a war inside my head gone silent.
Both sides dissatisfied and somewhat violent
The issue I have now begun to see: I am the only lonely casualty.
This is not the end, though.

This is my darkest hour.
One road has led me out here.
I only need turn around to face the light.
And decide flight or fight.

(sorry you have to go watch it on Youtube! but still be sure to listen to it).

Write on!