goals as motivation

Sometimes you make goals and you don't' meet them.
Like new year's resolutions. They're made for pieces of paper right? To show that we've got plans for the future... or something.

Okay, so I didn't make my goal.
And the more I keep working on the WIP and finding new things I need to add, new scenes, new side plots, the more I think I will never finish.

That's just me feeling tired though.

I'm getting closer and closer to having a full, polished manuscript. Soon it will be ready for those wonderful literary agents to read and love.

For now, I'm still working.

Stay tuned for some words about WIFYR. It's over and I have things to say.


write on!

I Am Afraid Of Cancer

I've been thinking about my dad lately. 

How he isn't sitting there in his favorite spot at the kitchen counter smoking a cigarette. 

How I can't call him and ask about the funny noise my lover girl's car was making. 

How I can't tell him again that I love him. 

How I'm still angry he never quit. 

And how he will never read one of my picture books despite how he loved to make up the stories for me. 

Have a poem. It's raw. But so is my emotion. Get over it. 

I Am Not Afraid of Death

I am afraid of Cancer.

The growths.

The ones that can't be seen 

or even felt

until it's too late. 

The coughing. 

Hacking up yellow mucus. 

Breaths by tubes from a tank.

Growing weak.

Losing hair. 

Spending the weekend

in the hospital

instead of the mountains.

I am afraid of cancer. 

The growths. 

The ones that can't be seen

or even felt

until the left side is bigger. 

The pink ribbons.

The extra padding. 

The lopsidedness. 

The tingling sensation of a ghost breast.

Spending the morning stuffing and adjusting

instead of walking the dog or reading the paper. 

I am afraid of cancer.

How it comes in and takes over.

Takes what I'm not ready to give.

I am afraid of cancer. 

The pain. 

The slow pain

that sucks life

little

by 

little. 

I am not afraid of death. 

I am afraid of cancer. 

Write on!

Another Dead Darling

Killing those darlings is hard. HARD. But I"m doing it. SLowly. Surely. 

I really really loved this scene. And I"m considering keeping it...but if I do it needs some work. Meaning, it needs to not be what it is now. But, give me a comment or two of validation. Isn't that one line so great? :) No one steal that line. I may need it later. 

No More Detention

I slam my locker as hard as I can.

It bounces back open and my sociology book crashes to the floor.

“Damn it,” I say.

I pick up the book and shove it back in my locker.

I shut it hard, but I don’t try to slam it again.

I feel tears forming on the corners of my eyes.

I will not cry.

I will not cry.

“Sophie, you okay?”

I turn around.

It’s Rex.

Rex Levi.

Shaggy brown hair,

puppy dog brown eyes Rex Levi.

“It’s not true,” I say.

“Don’t worry about it. Those guys are idiots. They’ll say anything.”

We stand there in the hall with three feet of silence between us.

Write on!

Stress

Sometimes life is stressful.


Write on!