Sunday, February 3, 2013

If You Like It Then You Shoud've Put a Ring on It

Before I get into anything I just want to say that writing is the most powerful tool I possess. My pen is not a weapon, but I hope hope HOPE it will aid me in showing the world that no one is alone. I hope that my writing can reach into the hearts of those who love someone and that together we can work toward that ultimate beauty where we understand that we are all connected and we can all live and work together. Writing is my power, and that's why I share pieces of my life and my beliefs and my opinions here. 

I am lesbian.
Maybe you should know this about me.
That way you'll understand why some things are important to me.
I'm sure you've heard that song "Single Ladies", but just in case you haven't, here it is:

The picture at the top, while clever and cute, is something that I completely disagree with. Don't get me wrong. I am for equal marriage. I think that once we have equality in some areas then it opens the gates to equality in other areas. Marriage is something that a lot of people want the opportunity to take part in.  And I think as we get closer to marriage equality we will get closer to a general equality.

Maybe I take issue with certain word choices, but there is no one saying you can't put a ring on someone's finger if that someone wants it there.

My lovergirl and I exchanged rings last year (July 9, 2012) on our 1 year anniversary of being together.
We are not married in any legal sense, and I doubt we will ever get married. But, since the society in which we live expresses commitment in relationships with a ring on the left ring finger, we thought it would be nice to be a part of that little tradition. We wanted to tell the world in a little way that we do love each other. (To read more about our story and see some pics of our cool rings, here are a few blog posts: Being Here Is So Much, Second First Kiss, Rings)

Marriage--as far as legalities go--doesn't mean a whole lot to me (I don't mean this to discount anyone's marriage in any way). Maybe it has something to do with all those "Vegas weddings" or all the divorce or all the marriages that seem to be based on money or religion or status. But I understand when someone wants to show their commitment to another person whom they love deeply. Marriage can be a way of showing that commitment to the world. However, simply getting married and slipping a ring onto your partner's finger isn't enough. Commitment and love  are things that you show every day with kisses and hugs, washing the dishes and folding the laundry. They are things that you can't ever do in one go because commitment is holding your lover when she cries (even if you're the reason she's crying), and it's admitting you made a mistake. Commitment is taking care of yourself, your body, your mind, your soul so your partner doesn't feel like she has to do it for you. Commitment is being there no matter what--even on the bad days and the sick days. Commitment is being willing to communicate--about your needs, about finances and goals and careers, about chores and ex-girlfriends and insecurities. Love is a process that does not begin or end with marriage or rings.

I'm not the expert on any of this. But, I'm learning everyday I'm with Jo. We're learning how to communicate, how to love, and how to live our lives together. I don't need anyone to tell me that it's okay. It would be nice, definitely. I would love to have the same opportunities as other couples. I would love for that smidgen of fear to be taken from my life. But I will live regardless. And I will love no matter what.  I will continue to wear my ring.

Write on!

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