Friday, April 4, 2014

D is for Divorce, Divide, and Decide

di·vorce
diˈvôrs
Divorce is a touchy subject for most humans, but I don't think it should be. As I experience yet another great divorce in my life, I'm finding that it's important to talk about it. Every human has experienced divorce in some way or another. Maybe it's having parents who legally dissolve a marriage, or one's own legally dissolved marriage. Maybe it's the separation of oneself from a church or religion. More often it is leaving a job, selling a car, giving up meat.

Divorce is a very essential part of life. I have divorced myself from so many habits and perspectives that I am no longer the person I was ten years ago--and thank the universe for that! If we do not break away from certain aspects of our lives then we can never truly grow and expand and learn.

But divorce isn't always easy--in fact it hardly ever is. It's a heart-wrenching process most of the time. Right now, my current divorce is the hardest I have ever experienced--which says a lot. Divorcing my ideals of being a straight female destined to become a wife and mother was hard. Divorcing my church and consequently my beliefs, life goals, and knowingness was painful and heart-breaking. It seems that everything must go through an upheaval before a big beautiful change. I suppose this is mine now.

Following a divorce is the dividing of things. Sorting out which books to keep, what clothes to discard, who to keep in contact with, where to cross out on the map. But it's also a dividing of the heart, the mind, the emotions. No matter how different a person I am in this moment compared with who I was ten years ago, I have not lost that other part of me. I am the same while not being the same at all. My soul has divided into sections, the past me still there in my experiences and memory, the present me confused as hell, and the future me always a magical unknown.

Even in all the chaos and confusion of divorce and division, decisions still must be made. The world is infinite and there are infinite possibilities. The important thing, for me, when it comes to deciding is always ALWAYS follow your heart. Go with your gut. And once you've done that everything falls into place. Love prevails. Beauty abounds. Peace ensues.

Maybe it's true that as we get older life only gets harder; it seems to be that way now. But, I've also noticed that with more difficulty comes more beauty. Here's to a lifetime of divorce, love, and beauty.

Write on!

1 comment:

  1. Your writing is so beautiful, and these thoughts are profound. I'm always impressed at how you pull through tough moments to become stronger and still see the beauty around you. This gives me a lot to think about, so thank you. Love ya!

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